A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes
by Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel
Summary: BakuraxRyou- But it's not shonen-ai! How? Read to find out! In this fic, Ryou is perveted, paranoid, sarcastic, talks to himself, and has a little secret he's hiding from Bakura...-completed.
1. Prologue

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 1:**_

_**Prologue**_

_Warning: The reason this is rated PG-13 is because in this, Ryou's a pervert, paranoid, sarcastic, talks to 'himself', has mood swings, and likes to swear mentally. Also- inhumanity to the microwave. XD_

Prologue: Not what I seem to be...

Oh my God- He's staring at me! Why is he staring at me?! Me, his weakling, girly hikari...

This is SO fucking weird. He's just standing there, dressed only in jeans , staring at me!! is he going to kill me? Maim me? Or maybe he's going to come over here and pin me to the wall and- Bad! Bad Ryou!

From where I'm standing- looking supremely intelligent, with my mouth hanging open like a fish's- I can see ever little detail of his extremely well sculpted torso. His silver-white hair is all mussed- was he sleeping? Oh- wait. Do I even need to ask? This is Bakura we're talking about! Of COURSE he was sleeping!

"Er- Hi, Bakura. . ."

Way to go, Ryou! What a way to sound like the transcendently witty person I am! I'm _sooo_ smart, can't you tell?

Oh great. He's STILL staring at me! What the hell is your problem, Baka?! Why is he staring at me, anyway? Oh ya!! Now I remember... it might, just possibly, be because I walked into the bathroom, with out knocking- Heaven forbid for that one!- just in time to see him doing up his pants.

If only I had come in earlier...

Naughty Ryou! Bad Ryou! No more dirty thoughts! AAAAAAAARG!!!!!!!!!! I'm such a pervert!!

Ah, well....

Not much I can do about it, eh? Mind you, life would be A HELL OF A LOT easier Bakura didn't read my thoughts periodically! I'd hate to see what he'd do if he found out about me.

You see, not only am I a complete pervert- or hentai, if you prefer- I also have a teensy-weensy tiny-winy little secret.

I, the oh-so **_MANLY_** Ryou Bakura, am a girl.

Shocking, ne?

I know exactly what you're doing right now- sitting with your mouth open, wondering how I managed to pull this off for fifteen years! Don't ask- even I have no idea how I pulled it off.

Wither that, or you're being a perve like me and wondering my cup-size- tough luck boys- or gals, I guess- I bind my bosom to look like a guy.

Luckily, Bakura isn't the brightest cookie on the face of this putrid little rock- But really, you'd think he would have noticed after living with me since I was five! Mind you, I think he was busy trying to take over the world. Fun-fun.

"Ryou? Are you okay?" he's looking at me now- Not staring! No!- with a wary, slightly confused look on his face. Heh heh heh... he looks so cute like that!

"Fine! absolutely PEACHY!!" I shout in mock cheerfulness.

"Uhhh..." Oh great, now he's giving me a weird look... I gotta work on my acting skills. "Then why did you walk into the bathroom like that?"

Frankly, I have no fucking clue! None at all! But I have to figure out an answer, or Bakura will maim me terribly in sheer Bakura tradition.

"Umm... Er..." Ra-damn it! Ryou, you're a moron! "I have to- er- um- Use the bathroom!" Lame, but it'll do.

"Oh."

He- he's blushing? I wince mentally. Oh God, Bakura! I didn't mean I was going to use it that way, you freakishly sexy hentai!

**_What'd you call me?!_** I swallow at the sound of Bakura's mind growl.

_N-nothing, Yami.._ I stutter, hoping to hell he won't gut my with a knife from his collection of extremely sharp shiny things...

**_You called me a hentai, Ryou..._** Uh-oh. He's glaring at me! Scary-scary look of death! But he does look sexy...

**_What?_** Erp- I think he heard me! OH SHIT!

_W-what are you t-talking about, B-bakura?_

I start laughing nervously, half enveloped in hysterical terror. Alright- on the count of three, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

Three...

"Ryou..." Bakura growls.

Two...

His eyes narrow dangerously.

One!!

just as I bolt for the stairs, hoping desperately that I'll be able to get to my room and lock the door, I can feel a hand grab the back of my shirt. OHHHH SHIIIIIT......... I'm in for it now.

My feet slide out from beneath me, and a land hard on my ass at Bakura's feet. Above me, looking down smugly, Bakura is smirking at me. My back is against his legs, and he's still holding my shirt.

"Er- Hello..."

"What was that I heard earlier?" He smirking at me again- Evil smirk of DOOM!!!

"YOU'RE A PSYCHOPATH!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! I'M STUCK IN A HOUSE WITH A PSYCHOPATH!!!" I scream, causing Bakura to jump back with surprise. I watch as he claps a hand on his forehead, obviously trying to block out the echoes of my manly yell of triumph. Okaaay... I'm getting the feeling I shouldn't have done that... Bakura is giving me a death glare.

"What the HELL was that for?!" he screams at me, rubbing his temples.

"..." I can't bring myself to answer. Why had I screamed? I could've just come up with some lame excuse! Baka, baka, BAKA Ryou!

_**Answer the question, Ryou.**_

_Uh- er- Nyerp..._

_**Huh?**_

_I dunno..._

_**Ryou- you're a freak.**_

My yami is shaking his head, and walking out of the room. Yes! I'm ALIVE!!!

But now I remember why I walked into the bathroom in the first place, so I quickly dodge into the bathroom and locked the door. Turning around, I let my pants fall to my ankles.

I know, I know, wearing panties might not be the smartest move for a girl pretending to be a boy- but hell, they're so comfy!

I pull them down to my knees and sit on the toilet- Bakura always leaves the toilet seat up- and inspect the red blotch n the white fabric of my underwear.

Fuck- My period.

Double fuck- My FIRST period.

_**Ryou....**_

_Yeah?_

_**I think I killed the microwave.**_

Triple fuck.


	2. Exploded Microwave Ryou PMSing Run, Ba...

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 2:**_

_**Exploded Microwave Ryou PMSing Run, Bakura, RUN!**_

Oh sweet mother of Holy God... I thought he said he BROKE the microwave-

Not EXPLODED it!

Shards of glass and metal are strewn in a bizarre mosaic in front of the microwave. A jagged piece of burnt crap is all that's left of what once was an actual, working microwave.

"BAKURA!!!"

He walks in, looking strangely sheepish, and-

Scared?

I don't fucking care. Not right now. "Bakura... Come here..." I growl angrily, glaring in my oh-so TERRIFYING way.

"Eeeerm...." Bakura stays his distance from me- not that I can blame him. Right now I feel like taking a jagged sharp of exploded microwave shit and cutting off his hands- and other stuff.

"Come. Here."

"Ryou-"

"No. Come here."

"But-"

"NOW."

Bakura slowly and warily walks towards me, an unreadable expression on his face.

Grabbing him by the sleeve- I know, this is probably a bad idea- I shove him in front of the peice of shit on the counter.

"Explain..." I growl.

Aaaargg!!! Bakura's such a baka! He's shuffling his feet like a naughty child and blushing! Baka, baka, BAKA!!!

"Uh..."

Wait a sec- Bakura's blushing?!

"You tried to microwave tinfoil again, didn't you?

He's mumbling something incoherent. Stupid BASTARD! This is the last time I let him near technology!

"Huh?" I ask, confused, and not pacified in the slightest.

"I said, 'I wanted to see what would happened if I microwaved a cherrybomb'."

WHAT?! He microwaved a cherrybomb? How stupid can one person be?!

Incredibly, apparently...

I message my temples in exasperation.

"Where in the Kami-sama's realm did you get the idea to microwave a CHERRYBOMB?!" I yowl impatiently.

"Dunno..." he looks ashamed, but I know he's lying about something- But I just can't lay my finger on it.

I soften my voice with him- even though I really don't feel like it- and ask him gently, "Will you help me with cleanup?"

He's POUTING?

Alright, which one of you kidnapped the REAL Bakura?! Maybe it was the aliens? Maybe Malik and Marik-

Wait a sec...

Malik and Marik...

"Bakura... You made a bet with Malik or Marik, didn't you?" I ask him sharply.

"Ya..." He says, almost inaudibly.

**"HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET, BAKAYAROU?! MALIK AND MARIK ARE EVEN CRAZIER BASTARDS THAN YOU!! WHY IN HELL WOULD YOU LISTEN TO THEM?!"**

Uh-oh... He's staring at me again. What is this, stare at the cross-dressing Ryou day?! I know, he's hot and all, but STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME!!!

"Uh, Ryou... Are you feeling well?" He looks scared of me.

Hell, he looks terrified.

Not that I blame him... I'm pretty terrified of myself right now. But more than that, I'm scared what HE'LL do to me once he recovers from the shock of hearing his quiet, innocent little hikari start screaming and swearing.

So I do the best possible thing for the situation.

I leave the room.


	3. You Reek, Ryou

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 3: **_

_**You Reek, Ryou**_

What am I doing now, five minutes after screaming hysterically at my sexy yami?

Lying on my bed with my eyes closed, listening to music. Really, really loud music. And thinking about why in bloody, frightening hell I shouted at him.

But really, he should've beaten the crap out of me as soon as I called him a bakayarou... I wonder why he didn't. He had that weird, distant, not evil/sexy look in his eyes. It was almost as if...

He couldn't have.

Could he?

Before I can continue my paranoid, ever-so productive thoughts, I feel a heavy, large weight on my stomach.

Oof- Damn, that's heavy!

Snapping my eyes open, I see Bakura lying sideways, face down, across my midsection, legs stretched out to my left. He's stretching out like a cat, and looks, well, comfortable. I can feel his abs flex as he's stretching.

Why is lying on me?!

"Uh, Bakura..." I say to him, probably looking like a tomato bathed in the blood of a beet.

"Hmm?" He sounds so- so- relaxed... Umm, is he curling his fingers in and out like a cats?

He is...

Bakura, you creepy, freakish, sexy psycho. I know it shouldn't, but seeing him do that is putting very, very dirty thoughts in my head...

"Why are you lying on my stomach?"

"Comfy Ryou pillow." Okaay... He's starting to scare me. Never before has he even paid this much attention, let alone professed to my being a comfortable, um, 'pillow'.

"Ya... but- why?"

"Why not?"

I'm going to kill him- I really, really am! Even if he is twice my size, a guy, incredibly sexy and my yami. I'm- Going- To- Kill- Him.

... eventually.

"Ryou?" He asks me softly. Wait, softly? Hey! Now I KNOW there's something wrong!

"Y- ya?"

"Did you know that yamis have better senses of smell then normal humans?"

I stare up at the ceiling. "So?"

I can feel his weight shifting on me. Eep! What the fuck is he doing?!

My head and eyes snap forwards-

Only to come face to face with a large pair of sharp crimson red eyes.

"Eep!" Oh sweet mother of the holy Kami-sama! Why, in all reason, is he so close to me?!

"B- Bak- kura, w- what-" I can barely get my words around my tongue, because even someone as dense as me can't fail to notice that my incredibly well-built, sexy yami is now straddling my hips in an unmentionably suggestive way.

"Oi, Ryou?" he's completely calm- Bakura, you baka! Damn you!

"Y- yeah?"

"You reek."

"Huh?" What the- Where the hell did that come from? Oh ya- the sense of small... Wait a second- I reek? of what?

"I said, 'You reek.'."

"Of what?" I ask curiously. Okay, so my curiousity has temporarily overcome my sense of panic at being pinned down by someone four times stronger than me. So?

"Isn't it obvious?"

No, Bakura, it isn't. Why? Because I'm not a super-smelling yami like you, moron! I'm overly tempted to say this... but I do like living, thanks.

"No, really Bakura." I say in my polite brit voice.

"Why, Ryou, I'd think you'd know... You reeking of blood and all?"

B-b- BLOOD? Oh no- he can't mean- it can't be-

"What's wrong hikari? You didn't really think you could live your _entire life_ without someone finding out, did you?" His voice is like a purr- And to this, there is only one thing I want to do.

Run away, really, really fast.

But he's got me pinned.

Think Ryou, think! How can you dissuade him?! Gotta buy yourself some more time!

"Um- I have no idea what you're talking about, Bakura." Oh craaaap... that lie was so fake! He'll see right through it- I'm gonna die!

He's put his mouth right beside my ear. "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about- little girl."

"Nyerp-" I can't even say a comprehensible word right now- but that's mostly because he just put his face about an inch from mine.

Oh fuck- this has been a good day, hasn't it?


	4. Revelations and Retardations

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 4:**_

_**Revelations and Retardations**_

I really don't think he should be that close to me...

Why, oh Lord, is he so CLOSE TO ME?!?!

He's STILL straddling me, like he has been for the last five minutes- mind you, it felt more like five HOURS... And he hasn't moved a muscle. Is he trying to freak me out? Because, if he is, he's succeeding.

Very much so.

And the extremely dirty thoughts running through my head don't help much either.

"Um... Bakura?" I say finally.

"Yes, Ryou?"

I shiver- his voice sounds finally- almost husky. And that, I'm telling you, is not normal for Bakura.

He has a voice like silk.

Spider's silk, maybe... a black widow's.

"Ryou?"

I jump with surprise. Bakura's looking at me now, with an intent, rapt gaze, elbows sitting on either side of my thin, prone frame.

And he's STILL really fucking close to me!!!

"Yeah?" I say warily.

"You know, for a while I thought you were gay..." What the hell kinda statement was that?! Why on earth would he think that? "...With you staring at my ass and all..."

Sweet Ra- he NOTICED? I didn't think he was that smart! And he knew I was watching all this time?! I think I'm going to die...

No such luck.

Bakura rolls off of me, neatly landly on his hands and knees on the floor. He smirks at me, taking one last look at my beet-red face, and strides out the room.

Well, that could've been worse...

...Or much, much better.

Why do you hate me, Kami-sama?

Trembling, I make a much less graceful exit than Bakura, falling flat on my face as I get off the bed. As I round the corner of my doorway out into the hall, I walk slowly towards the telephone, unsure of what I should do.

Should I call Tea? Tell her everything? No- she'd tell Yugi... And Yugi would tell Joey... and Joey would tell everyone.

But...

Bakura will tell them all anyway.

So I might as well.

Clasping the phone to my ear, I quickly dial Tea's cell-phone number.

How do I have it, you ask? From the MILLIONS of times she asked me out.

And the millions of times I said no, of course.

_Hello?_ I nearly collapse in relief at the sound her voice.

Okay, so she's the friendship speech queen- I need some moral support right now.

Tea?

_Ryou! How are you?_ she sounds amazingly concerned... not that I blame her, me having Bakura around and all.

Tea... I need to talk... This is way easier then I thought. Fuck you, Bakura- I will get through this.

_Of course! I'm over at Yugi's- I'm sure he and the gang would love for you to come!_ Mentally, I groan- but still, this is the perfect chance for me to reveal myself before Bakura does...

I have to.

I'll see you there, Tea. And with that, I hang up.

* * *

I'm standing in the doorway of the Kame gameshop, being greeted by the gang.

The 'gang', of course, is the coursing mob of babbling idiots who Yugi Motou calls friends.

...and Yugi himself, of course.

Being pushed into the living room, I am bombarded with inane questions, such as "how are you?", and "What've you been up too?", until Yugi pushes through and beams widely at me.

"Ryou! Come sit down, won't you?"

Of course, since this is his house, I am resigned to do so- and I don't want Yami beating the living crap out of me for smart-mouthing Yugi.

Or maybe I'm just a coward.

It's survival instincts, I tell you!

Whatever.

I sit down, with a sigh, in a chair that- thankfully- can only seat one. In a matter of moments, everyone is seated, either on a chair or the floor, and looking intently at me.

I clear my throat. "Guys, I have something to tell you."

They're all looking expectantly at me, eyes wide, impatience visible on some of their faces.

"Well?" Jounouchi says, "Come on man, spit it out!"

Taking a deep breath, I prepare to tell them my secret- no longer kept, and no longer precious.

"I'm not a guy."

The entire room freezes like ice.

Why do they have to stare at me like that? That's not really helping...

"W- what? You're kidding, right?" Jounouchi's looking at me like I'm nuts. Well, sweetheart, I am, and I must be, if I fell in love with Bakura.

"Let me make this perfectly clear to you, Jounouchi. I-" I say, pronouncing the word.

"Am-"

More baited breath- man, that pisses me off.

"A-"

They're leaning forward in their chairs- Can't you just sit like normal people?

"Girl."

That one, tiny, one-syllable word echoes around the room like the chiming of glass. Their many faces are flitting with emotion.

Surprise-

Disbelief-

Lust-

Wait- lust?

Pervert.

Oh dear Lord-

I think Tea just fainted.


	5. Kiss My Perky British Ass!

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 6: **_

_**Kiss My Perky British Ass!**_

I stride into the hallway of the Kame Gameshop, groaning. Why must they be such fucking MORONS? Jesus...

After Tea fainted, the entire room burst into a fit of babbling. They milled around like lost ducks, some went over to Tea to see if she'd wake up, and some... well, some just did some pretty weird stuff.

Freaks.

Wait a sec... who am I to call THEM freaks?

At this moment, I bump into something. Looking up from the ground, I see a taller version of the panicking midget in the living room.

"Hey, Yami." I say coolly, and attempt to step around him.

He moves to stop me. Impudent bastard! "Hey... I never knew you were a girl."

I can't help but freeze, and give him a wary look. His voice sounds... different. Less indifferent- deeper. "So?" I ask him defensively.

Before I know what's happening, I feel a pair of arms wrap tightly around my waist and pull me close. The jerk! What does he think he's doing? As far as I'm concerned, I am Bakura's, and his only.

Besides- I don't date shorter men.

He just smirks. "You're a very pretty girl, don't you know that, Ryou?"

I stiffen. "You chauvinistic pig..." I growl, "You think you can hit on me just because you suddenly found out I'm a girl?"

He just grins. "Why not?"

That.. that... ASSHOLE! I'm not a feminist, I really ain't, but that JERK is just beyond me! If he wants a fucktoy so bad, why doesn't he just use Yugi?

Drawing back my right hand, I slap him hard across the face. I can feel his surprise- yes, FEEL it- and the loosening of his arms around my waist. Tearing away, I bolt out the door.

Take that, you fucking royal asshole!

* * *

I arrive home, drenched with the rain the suddenly decided to emerge as I left. Goody. Goody.

I can hear- even from out here- Bakura blasting some radio station through the house. Turning the doorknob, I step into my warm- and blessedly dry- home.

I have NEVER been happier to see my house.

Bakura's nowhere to be seen, so I stray into the kitchen, looking for him. "Bakura?" I call out.

"Mmmf?" I can hear him- and yes, there he is, sitting on a kitchen stool. He's leaning against the counter, and his mouth is full of what looks to be pastry.

Damn- that's actually cute.

In a disproportionately large swallow, Bakura sends the load of pastry down his throat, and grins at me innocently. Okay- what's he done?

"Hey, Ryou", he says smoothly, "Whatchu been up to?"

I glare at him, turn on my heel, and storm up the stairs.

I reeeeally need to change my clothes.

Walking in to my room, wetter then the ocean, and probably smelling like a dog, I fling open my wardrobe.

I blink.

And blink again.

"BAKURA!!!!!" I shriek.

He's filled my wardrobe with clothes, true-

but I don't wear that kind of stuff!

Is that a thong?

Kami-sama...

My wardrobe now is filled with tiny scraps of fabric adequate for poledancers- and yes, there's no sign of my normal stuff. Bras are littering the floor of the closet- hey, how'd he know my cup- size?

"Yes, hikari?" Bakura's standing in the doorway, grinning like the complete and total bastard that he is. That fucktard- he actually thinks this is funny!

"Bakura..." I say quietly, glaring at him from beneath my bangs, "How old do you want to be when you die?"

His grin widens. "Older than you, at the very least."

He's already older than me- can I kill him now? I could try, and maim him a bit, but, chances are, he'd kill me first.

Damn him.

I could still try, couldn't I?

...But I won't.

I'm not a coward, I'm a 'survivalist'.

Staring into his sexy crimson orbs defiantly, I utter one simple sentence. "Kiss my perky british ass, dobe." And at those words, I push him out of the way and stalk out of my bedroom.

And him, being the annoying bastard that he is, decides to follow me.

Of course.

"Hey, Ryou? Aren't you going to get changed?"

I stop, staring at him in utter disbelief. He's teasing me? Bakura, teasing ME? Resisting the urge to slap him like I slapped Yami, I stare angrily at the wall. "Fuck. You."

"I really think you should change, hikari..." He says sweetly.

And about three seconds after he says it, I hear the soft 'shink' of metal against cloth, and feel my shirt peeling away from my skin.

Gasping and holding the remnants of what was once a shirt against my naked chest, I glare at Bakura over my shoulder.

The bastard cut my shirt at the back from top to bottom, AND the sleeves!

"Much better.." He purrs, and slaps the wide flat of his opened switchblade against my still-clothed ass. I jump in surprise at the cold metal- can you blame me?- and nearly drop my shirt.

Leaning close to me, he whispers in my ear. "Do I have to cut them off too?"

I take the hint, walk into my room, and lock the door.

But, no matter how weird I am, there is no way I'm going to grab randomly from THAT pile.

Sorting through, I find a reasonably covering halter top- white silk, wow- and a black denim mini.

Hey, they're the most covering of what I can see! And I'm not sure I want to see what's below the top layer...

Bakura must've had a field day with this- especially the bras.

Sorting through THEM, the ever-constricting, evil of womankind (other then men), I find a suitably plain white one with clear straps.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time outside of a bathroom, miss Ryou Bakura will remove her bindings. Lean forward in your seats boys! This a first time thing!

I slump my hands at my sides, allowing the well-worn, many times washed white bandages to fall around my feet.

Along with my shirt...

Taking the bra, I strap it on. And, strangely enough, it fits!

But it's FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE!!

Curse under-wire!

It takes me about a second to pull the mini up over my slender, curving hips, but much longer for me to process exactly how much thigh I'm showing.

Bakura- You suck. You really, REALLY suck.

Like your clothes?I hear from inside my head.

/No./ I say bluntly.

His laughter echoes in my head.

Quickly slipping on the halter top, I gulp as I realize that it's straining against my small breasts, and only goes halfway down my torso.

Bakura's going to molest me.

...Not that I probably wouldn't enjoy it...

I wince. BADBADBAD!! THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING!

Groaning at my own perverted insanity, I gently unlock the door.

That's strange...

Bakura's not there.

Going out cautiously, I walk down the stairs to the family room- a.k.a- the TV room, as dubbed by Bakura- and, speak of the devil, he's sitting on the couch, chewing on an evidently used straw.

"Bakura?"

He turns quickly to look at me.

I watch in embarrassment as the straw in his mouth drops to the ground, and his eyes go wide. "Holy shit..." He whispers in an awed voice.

Awed?

Armageddon- Ragnarok- Judgement Day- Whatever you call it!- has finally come, ladies and gentlemen.

The amazingly sexy tombrobber, the king of thieves, Bakura, my Yami, is awed by his weakling girly- hey, I am a girl!-

HIKARI.

Before I can continue my mental tirade, Bakura purses his lips together and gives me a fox whistle. Blushing crimson, I glare at him angrily. /Yami!/ I scream in indignity.

Me-ow...

I stare at him for a moment.

and another moment.

/BAKURA?!/

Yeah?

/Did you just- just-/

Meow?He asks bemusedly.

/Ya.../

Yes- and I meant it, Ryou. You look SEXXXXY...

It had to be now that this song started playing, didn't it? It HAD to?

_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love_

_Love's going to leave me_

I said I turned into a beet when he was pinning me?

_I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt_

_So sexy it hurts_

_And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan_

_New York and Japan_

Wellll... I think I just turned into a 18th century deep purple drape.

Bakura rises from the couch, eyeing me.

_And I'm too sexy for your party_

_Too sexy for your party_

_No way I'm disco dancing_

Oh boy...

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I do my little turn on the catwalk_

He licks his lips seductively...

_I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car_

_Too sexy by far_

_And I'm too sexy for my hat_

_Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that_

I step back as he gets closer, going an even deeper red- if that's possible. A light shiver of panic lances through my spine at the realization that I'm backed against a wall, but before I can dodge away, I find him inches from me.

With tantalizing grace, he snakes his arms around my waist, and pulls me closer, so that our bodies are flat against each other's.

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little touche on the catwalk_

"B- Bakura?!" I say nervously as his face brushes mine. Suggestively smirking, he flicks his tongue out and licks the tip of my nose.

This is definitely weird- royally weird. I probably shouldn't be enjoying this, should I?

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my...

His eyes have closed into soft, long lashed lines, and his lips are inches from mine.

'_Cos I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little touche on the catwalk_

...And drifting closer.

_I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat_

_Poor pussy poor pussy cat_

_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love_

_Love's going to leave me_

Um- Help?


	6. He did WHAT?

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 5:**_

_**He did WHAT?!**_

OhKami-samaohKami-samaOHKAMI-SAMA!!! He's getting waaaaay too close! helphelphelp-

**_Ryou?_** I feel his breath on my face, and open one tightly closed eye to see that he's got a strange look on his face, and-

He's sniffing my clothes?

What the FUCK?!

"Uh- yeah?" I ask nervously, gulping.

"You smell like the baka-pharoah..." He says, this time out loud.

I blink in confusion, then nearly burst out laughing. Yami, even being the perverted bastard his, just saved my ass!

**_Yes, Ryou, your nice, perky ass._** Comes Bakura's sarcastic remark, causing me to blush and glare at him.

_Yami!_

**_Why is he a perverted bastard, Ryou- what did he do?_** His voice is persuasive- wheedling, almost. The sort of soft voice that sends little shivers down your spine and distracts you.

_**HE DID WHAT?!**_

And I think I just dropped my mental guard....

Crap.

"Y-yami?" Tentative- can you blame me?

He growls. "I WILL get him! No one touches my hikari but me!", he exclaims, but then, in a softer voice, "But first..."

He draws me near again, and I can feel my sweat trickle down my cheek. What the hell?! One minute he's determined to kill Yami Yugi, the next he's back to seducing me!

I call it:

Changeable agenda. A wonderful thing if you're not on the receiving end.

Lips mere inches from mine, eyes half closed- again- he nuzzles his nose against my cheek.

"Bakura- I really don't think we should-"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!

He pushes me into a searing, aggressive kiss, biting down on my bottom lip. his lips are plush, loving, incredibly sexy...

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?! Bakura, you bakayarou, you have no right!! You- you- unsexy bastard!!

So what if it's a lie? I am sooo tempted to say that!

...I seriously think my brain's stopped functioning...

And that's why I'm not screaming my head off.

I slump in his arms, submissive, knowing that I couldn't fight him off if I tried. However, as he pushes his tongue between my lips hungrily, I give one final defense.

I bite down.

HARD.

Bakura yowls and pulls back, cradling a hand over his mouth. Shooting me a vengeful glare, he stumbles back a few steps, and dashes out of the room.

High on adrenelin as I am, I make the stupid mistake of shooting after him.

"Hah! Beaten by a girl, bakayarou!"

And at this, I stomp upstairs.

Sucker...

* * *

Lying on my bed- again- listening to music- again- with my eyes closed, I feel strangely satisfied.

...That is, if you discount my bruised and slightly bloody lips.

And my torn shirt- the one that's lying on a chair in the corner of the room...

Other then that- yeah, I'm peachy!

_**Ryou?**_

Okay- maybe I'm not peachy...

_**Ryou??**_

Okay- I'm definitely not peachy.

_**RYOU!**_

_WHAT!? _I scream mentally. Arrrggg... I want to strangle Bakura right now! If it weren't for him, I would be dressed as a guy, everyone would believe I was a guy, and I would be comfortable and not BLEEDING!

I feel the side of my bed dip down with weight, and my eyes flash open.

"Boo." Bakura sitting on the edge of my mattress, watching me with intent crimson eyes. The corners of his pale lips are twitching with mirth, and, all at once, I realize something.

Me, the supreme queen of all nerds, the most intelligent gal in school, has somehow not realized that A huge tear has gone up the side of my skirt, showing my thighs.

No wonder it felt windy...

Squeaking, I jump up, shove Bakura out of my room, and strip off the skirt. Thinking again, I strip off the rest of my clothes, too.

Bastard! he probably knew all along! I bet he did....

Growling to myself, I decide to change into my pajamas. Hey, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT? It's ten o'clock!

I wonder if Bakura bought any sleepwear?

Scratch that- STOLE any sleepwear.

Oh yes- he did. VERY much so.

Except- that's not pajamas.

That's fucking LINGERIE.

Thin, satiny things that only go to mid-thigh?

Definitely Bakura's style.

...I should force him to wear one.

Snorting at my own idea, I shrug and pull on the closest one.

It's very short- come on, it barely covers me!- with spaghetti straps and a low bust line. It's made of silver satin, and is trimmed with gold lace.

I grin to myself.

Pretty.

And absolutely PERFECT to get back at Bakura with.


	7. Ryou's Dirty Little Plan, And Bakura's D...

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 7: **_

_**Ryou's dirty little plan of revenge... and Bakura's dirty little dream to top it off!**_

What am I doing now?

Rooting through my wardrobe...

Looking for something... What?

These.

In my hands I hold the skimpiest, most suggestive pair of red silk g-string panties ever created. Plus, of course, a pad.

Guess what?

I AM going to put them on.

Slipping them over my feet, up my thing and over my hips, I squirm in discomfort.

Ass-Floss, I'm telling you. For those who don't floss their teeth, but their fat arses instead.

Perfect for my plan, though, so I'll have to put up them.

Outside, I hear a crack of thunder, and rain beginning to pelt against my window.

A grin spreads across my face.

Perfect...

Striding out of my room, and down the hallway, I peer into bakura's darkened bedroom.

He's lying back in his bed, one leg crossed over the other, right arm behind his head, the left holding the millennium eye.

Wearing only his boxers...

So... he's awake.

That makes things SO much easier.

...He looks... yummy.

I blink. What the HELL? Where'd did that come from?

Shrugging, I move to stand in his doorway, hand on the doorframe.

"Bakura?" I call out in a soft, scared voice.

I can see him perk up with surprise.

Oh, yes, Bakura, you'll be VERY surprised when you catch on.

Or, rather, IF you catch on.

"Yeah?" He sounds indifferent, and I can see his large crimson eyes straining to see me in the darkness.

"I'm scared..." I say, using my cutest, most terrified voice that I can muster.

Lightening flashes, outlining me, and making my tiny, er, 'pajamas' glow with the yellow light.

Before darkness returns, I see his eyes widen.

Score one for little hikari.

Scurrying towards him, I stand at the edge of the bed.

"Y- Yami?"

Take the force of Ryou specialty, Bakura- Cuteness.

Hey, it had to be good for something, didn't it?

"Uh- Y- ya?"

I suppress a satanic giggle. He sounds NERVOUS! Bakura- Nervous!

See? Even you can't stand my might!

"Can I stay with you?"

I can feel his burst of surprise at that meek request through our mind link- So I decide to strengthen it.

Climbing into bed with him, I pull the covers over me. As thunder cracks in the background, I take the opportunity to cling to his arm and bury my face in his side.

_**This is a change of tune, isn't it?**_

_I'm scared, okay!_I send back with 'remorse'.

__

So he thinks he can get out of this that easy, huh? I don't think so.

Rubbing my long, slender, newly-shaven leg up his 'accidentally', I peer into his mind.

A torrent of thoughts and emotions hit me- the most prominent being this:

_**'CRAP...'**_

Oh my god... It takes everything I have not to laugh at that.

It looks like Bakura's going to have a rough time sleeping...

Me, on the other hand...

Yawning for real, I snuggle up closer to him. His skin is soft, and warm, and very, VERY comfortable.

Blinking my eyes closed, I feel sleep come over me in a soft, but pleasant, wave.

(4:00 in the morning)

Wha-?

What's happening?

Something beside me is moving.

And...

MOANING?

Snapping awake, the memories of the night before come flowing back.

Bakura's lying beside me, moaning and shifting, fingers curling into the sheets.

What the-?

He can't be....

HE CAN'T BE-

He IS...

Bakura's having a wet dream-

While I'm in bed beside him?!

Attempting desperately to disentangle my leg from between his two tense ones, I pause.

How did that get there?

Bakura gives a deep, horny moan, one hand curling in my 'lingerie pajamas'.

"R..." He pants.

I stop and listen.

This would make PERFECT blackmail.

"R..."

Come on, Bakura, spit it out!

The sheets beneath chafe my skin as I lean forward eagerly.

"Ryou..." He pants.

I freeze.

He heaves a satisfied moan, and I feel something begin to run down my leg.

I CAN'T be...

Oh God-

It IS.


	8. A Sticky, Sticky Morning

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 8: **_

_**A Sticky, Sticky Morning...**_

I hold my hands in front of my mouth.

It's all I can do to stop myself from shrieking.

Because DAMN THAT'S SICK!!

Jumping off the bed, I hop to the bathroom desperately, attempting not to let my leg touch the ground. A long smear of white, sticky goo is vividly obvious on my thin, maidenly leg.

But- but- DAMN THAT'S SICK!!!!!

Performing a manoeuver that would probably get me into the Guinness Book Of Records, I push my leg into the sink, turn on the water, and scrub furiously at my tainted, unrefined, SATAN-BLESSED leg.

God-Dammit Bakura! Couldn't it have been anyone else? Anyone at all?! I want you... but not like that!

Well... not yet, at least.

At least I know he likes me.

Snorting, I pull my leg out, and look at the raw skin where I rubbed my leg.

I merely shrug.

Well, I guess it's clean.

As I set my hand on the doorknob, I feel a sudden surge of embarrassment, anger, and panic.

Bakura.

It's gotta be.

Slowly pushing open the door, I peek through.

"Bakura?"

He flings the door open.

Fuck- I forgot he was right down the hall....

What the-

Oh my God...

I cant restrain it-

I burst out laughing.

Bakura's standing in the doorway, cheeks flushed an amazing shade of red- hey, that'd look good on the wall!- and wet white stuff all down his legs!

HE LOOKS LIKE HE WET HIS PANTS!!!!!!

I collapse with laughter- I know, he's probably gonna beat the poor, pathetic crap out of me in moment- but it's just so FUNNY!

Uh-oh... I think I've gone hysterical.

Feeling a hand grab me by the wrist, I quickly fall silent- I mean, wouldn't you?

The first blow's gonna come any time now...

Any time now...

Soon..

Looking up in surprise- and fear- I see him, with a devious smirk on his face.

Shiiit- He has an idea.

And when Bakura gets an idea, they're usually good.

Pulling on my wrist, he tosses me out of the bathroom.

Uh-oh... what's he got planned?

* * *

Dammit... What am I doing?

Finding clothes.

Pushing through the pile in my wardrobe- you really think I have the patience to pick this stuff up?- I growl in frustration.

Damn you, Bakura, damn you.

It doesn't help that my clock is burning 4:55AM in the side of my eye, in my big, bold, obnoxious red flashing letters.

Why on earth did I get a digital clock?

Ooooh.... This looks good.

Pulling out a pair of tight white cotton pants, I see immediately why Bakura picked these.

In bold red letters- not unlike the ones on my clock- on the ass of the pants, two words are sewn.

'Kiss It'.

That is SO Bakura.

Slipping them on, I begin rifling again.

What? I'm not going to run around the house in sexy white track pants and a push-up bra.

The bra was the first one I found that fit, alright? I didn't want to dig for something else.

Too lacy...

Does he even think I would wear that in public?

Too revealing...

PERFECT.

I hold in my hands the most awesome shirt, EVER.

...I didn't know Bakura had even relatively good taste.

A pale blue, enormously tight stpeggeti-strapped top, with bold black letters across the front.

'Good Girls

Are Just Bad Girls

Who Don't Get

Caught...'

Bakura'll absolutely DIE when he sees me in this.

And he's going to.

Because not-so sweet little Ryou...

...can plan too.


	9. Her Name Is Ryou

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 9: **_

_**Her Name Is Ryou**_

The radio is BLASTING.

...again.

I don't know, alright? Bakura has some testosterone induced thing with loud music, leather, and women.

I'd say it's just puberty...

...but he's 3000 years old!

Standing in front of my bedroom window, I lean out to feel the cool breeze drying my sweat.

My revenge can wait.

Today's too hot.

Resting my arms on the windowsill, I rest my head on them and peer down at them below. For some reason, a shiver of foreboding travels down my spine.

I feel like...

..something's coming.

Standing up and backing a step, my back collides with something cool, smooth, and moderately hard.

What the-

OH.

Soft-skinned, sculpted arms twist around my waist affectionately, and a nose nuzzles into my neck.

"Bakura?" I groan, twisting to look at him.

I feel my eyes grow wide.

Oh God- I think I'm drooling.

_...Moving on the floor now babe you're a bird of paradise_

_Cherry ice cream smile- I suppose it's very nice_

_With a step to your left and a flick to the right, you catch that mirror way out west_

_You know you're something special and you look like you're the best..._

He's wearing loose, baggy jeans that barely cling to his hips...

..and no shirt. His hair is down in straggles, bangs tousled, faintly damp.

_...Her name is Ryou and she dances on the sand_

_Just like that river twisting through a dusty land_

_And when she shines she really shows you all she can_

_Oh Ryou, Ryou dance across the Ryou Grande...._

The button on his pants is undone- that might account for them hanging so low on his hips...

Gently placing a finger beneath my chin, he pushes my mouth shut, and curls the other arm loosely around my waist. His breath gently brushes my face as he lingers, looking at me with seductive, deep eyes.

...Those eyes...

_I've seen you on the beach and I've seen you on TV_

_Two of a billion stars it means so much to me_

_Like a birthday or a pretty view_

_But then I'm sure that you know it's just for you_

Leaning over, he captures my lips both gently and savagely.

...he tastes like cinnamon...

I blink in surprise at my own thought.

_Where did that come from?_

_Her name is Ryou and she dances on the sand_

_Just like that river twisting through a dusty land_

_And when she shines she really shows you all she can_

_Oh Ryou, Ryou dance across the Ryou Grande_

_**Cinnamon? **_He sounds... amused.

But not cold, or cruel, like he usually does.

Biting mischievously at my bottom lip, he curls me closer.

...closer to that smooth, warm flesh...

Where the HELL are these thoughts coming from?!

Breaking the kiss, Bakura looks at my from beneath his hair.

_Hey now woo look at that did she nearly run you down_

_At the end of the drive the lawmen arrive_

_You make me feel alive, alive alive_

_I'll take my chance cause luck is on my side or something_

_I know what you're thinking I tell you something I know what you're thinking_

"You are... Ryou..."He purrs to me softly, fingers curling up against the exposed skin in my waist. "You are, my hormonal little hikari.." Nuzzling his nose into my throat, he sighs softly.

I stand stock-still, this sinking slowly into my brain.

I didn't even know that he knew what 'hormonal' meant...

_Her name is Ryou and she dances on the sand_

_Just like that river twists across a dusty land_

_And when she shines she really shows you all she can_

_Oh Ryou, Ryou dance across the Ryou Grande_

_Her name is Ryou she don't need to understand_

_And I might find her if I'm looking like I can_

_Oh Ryou, Ryou hear them shout across the land_

_From mountains in the north down to the Ryou Grande_

_Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do_

Relaxing against him, I rest my head on his shoulder.

_**Mmmm... Warming up to me, hikari? **_He asks cheekily.

Smiling a little to myself as my eyes drop- partially from the comfort, partially from the warmth, I respond quietly.

_...Not a chance..._

As I said...

...The plan can wait.

Who said anything about scrapping it?


	10. PRICELESS!

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 10:**_

_**PRICELESS!**_

Oh my God...

He's so SOFT.

Were I some bishonen powered fangirl- like those of you who are lurking around in my mind right now, I would be squeaking and glomping Bakura right now.

But I'm not.

I'm just close to.

His skin is like fucking SILK.

I always wondered what all those girls he came home with saw in him. Now I know.

Rubbing my cheek gently against his neck, I snuggle closer to him.

He's so cool...

Sometimes.

**_Hikari? _**He purrs.

Head shooting up with surprise, I stare him in the eyes. They're narrowed cunningly, coupled with a mouth that's got one edge pulled up in a near demented cocky smile.

_What?_ I ask wordlessly.

A huge devious smile spreads soundlessly across his cheeks, and he strides out of the room.

That was.. random...

Fuck it- what's he up to?

* * *

Wandering through the house, I think deeply about Bakura's words.

Well... sorta deeply.

What THE FUCK is he up to? Is he going to do something to me in my sleep- NO- I'll never sleep again! Or maybe he's planning to sell me to a whorehouse- NONONONONO-

What the fuck are you on about?

I shut up immediately.

Hikari?

_**Ryou?**_

_**RYOU! God dammit- What're you up to?**_

Hey- that was MY question!!

Great minds think alike...

Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Probably the latter.

_Nothing, Yami. _I answer tiredly.

He's silent.

_Yami?_

What the-

This isn't good.

He's probably off pouting somewhere.

Meh.

Grinning, I start on my plan...

This is going to be priceless.

* * *

This is SO uncomfortable.

I'm crouching in the hallway cupboard, peering through the crack in the doors, waiting for Bakura to show up. My head's pounding from holding back a scream when he was shouting in my min-

Here he comes.

As I said, this'll be...

PRICELESS.


	11. Pink

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 11: **_

_**Pink...**_

Bakura stalks down the hall... I snigger quietly. Bakura, you fool, you complete and utter FOOL. You may kill me for this, but it's soooooo worth it....

Moving quickly, I smack my hand against the cupboard wall purposefully.

Bakura jumps, natural tombrobber instincts coming into play, and accidentally smashes his foot down on a tube of toothpaste I '_accidentally_' left there. The tube, lidless, spout pointing upwards- who knows how it ended up like that?- squirts toothpaste all up the front of his chest and pants.

"Fucking- urrrgggg.... Ryou! You are **SO FUCKING DEAD**!!!" HE shouts angrily, trying to scrape the toothpaste off his chest and only succeeding in smearing it down himself.

"But first.." he grumbles.

A shower. I'm sure of it. This is EXACTLY what I planned. And it's coming along, how shall we say? Purrrfectly.

For some odd reason, Bakura's a hygiene freak- I guess it must be nevr being able to bathe when he was in Egypt. Heh. His weakness, not mine.

As I thought, Bakura hobbles into the bathroom, looking down at his leg in disgust. The sound of water can be heard.

One point for bitchy weakling hikari, sucker.

Crawling out of the cupboard, I climb to my feet and dust myself off.

Just wait until you come OUT of the shower.....

Toothpaste is the least of your worries.

* * *

"RYOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!"

I snigger and try to look innocent.

And fail horribly. Unable to contain myself, I sit up on the couch and crane my neck towards the hallway- the source of his voice.

Oh my God-

10 000 000 000 000 points for bitchy weakling hikari!!!!!

His hair is pink. PINK! I can see it now, in stores only, the newest fangirl attraction toothpaste- in TOMBROBBER PINK!

I can't help it- I crack up.

"The hell's so funny, bitch?" he growls, striding over to the couch, holding his towel up in one hand.

Wait a sec-

Towel?

Oh CRAP.

All he's wearing is a towel?

_Pink it's my new obsession _

_Pink it's not even a question, _

_Pink in the hair of your lover, 'cause _

_Pink is the love you discover_

I wonder what would happen if I took it off him?

BAD RYOU! BAD!

**_Hikariiii...... _**he mind growls, **_I'm waiting for your answer..._**

Part of me is trying to be scared- the other's screaming-

PINK! OH MY GOD, IT'S PIIIIIINK!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

and being generally manic.

_Pink as the bing on your cherry _

_Pink 'cause you are so very _

_Pink it's the color of passion _

_'Cause today it just goes with the fashion_

Collapsing in a bout of laughter, I drop back flat on the couch. I close, my eyes tightly, body shaking from the wracking amusement.

Something heavy straddles my hips.

_Pink it was love at first sight _

_Pink when I turn out the light, and _

_Pink gets me high as a kite _

_And I think everything is going to be all right _

_No matter what we do tonight_

Oh shit- he isn't?

My eyes flash open.

Bakura's straddling me, one hand still on the towel around his waist, the other on the cushion beside my head. A small, lusty smirk curls around his pale lips.

...soft, succulent lips...

_You could be my flamingo _

_'Coz pink is the new kinda lingo _

_Pink like a deco umbrella _

_It's kink - but you don't ever tell her_

Leaning close, he runs his tongue over his lips, and places his other hand on the other side of my head. Which, incidently, was the hand that was holding the towel. Luckily for me...

...the towel slips down and hangs low on his hips, slightly open.

_Pink it was love at first sight, and _

_Pink when I turn out the light _

_Pink gets me high as a kite _

_And I think everything is going to be all right _

_No matter what we do tonight_

I feel my face colour.

That's WAY too much skin...

Blushing profusely, I raise my eyes to his face, which is hovering inches from mine. His eyes are half-closed, regarding me with a mischievous, subtle stare.

And I thought pink hair would deter his hotness...

Unfortunately, no.

_I want to be your lover _

_I wanna wrap you in rubber _

_As pink as the sheets that we lay on _

_Pink it's my favourite crayon, yeah_

Grinning, he slowly begins to swing his hips from side to side, rubbing them across my own suggestively. His lips grow close to mine- so close, in fact, that I can feel his hot breath on my skin.

"Ryou.." He says, flicking his tongue across the tip of my nose.

_Pink it was love at first sight _

_Pink when I turn out the light _

_Pink it's like red but not quite _

_And I think everything is going to be all right _

_No matter what we do tonight_

"Ryouuu..." he repeats, purring. Taking his hand from beside of my head, he reaches down to the towel wrapped around his hips.


	12. M&M Mischief

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 12: **_

_**M&M Mischief...**_

His hand grasps the towel, thumb tucking inside. His lips hover inches from mine, slightly parted, almost in a... sluttish way.

I think I'm frozen. I should be stopping him.... I think I'm frozen.

He tugs it lightly, causing it to slip a little lower. I feel my cheeks heat, eyes unable to tear away from those lips.

...Those silken, full, pale lips....

A tiny smirk works across her mouth. Yeah, well Bakura, fuck you too. Fuck you to hell....

Later. I'm frozen right now.

He tugs again.

It slips lower.

...God, I can see the gentle crests of his hips...

Shrouded only slightly by the pink hair dangling in my face. I think I'm going to sneeze if any more of it brushes my nose...

He lips gently at my bottom lip, nipping aggressively. Mine....

The door bursts open.

"Oi! Baku-- OH YEAH! Scoring with your hikari?" A voice shouts from the doorway, laughter in its tone. Bakura jerks up so that he's straddling me again.

"Marik? Malik?" He demands, peeved. "What are YOU doing here?!" I can see the sweat running down his face- HEY! It's pink tinged- the dye must be running.

I snicker lightly at the mental image of Bakura dyed pink with his own sweat.

Marik sniggers. "Nice hair, tombrobber- I didn't know you agreed to be Ryou's new dress up doll?" He chuckles snidely. Malik elbows him in the side, and pushes him into the kitchen.

"Never mind him, Bakura- I tricked him into dying his hair purple once." The blonde confides amusedly. "It didn't come out for months!"

Purple? Serves you right, Marik. Little perve.

I grin. "Then it appears you would be on a good basis of Yami treatment with me, Malik," I smirk. Bakura scowls at me, and grinds his hips down painfully.

_YAMI!!!_

**_Yes?_** He says innocently.

I decide to whine. _That hurts...._

_**I COULD do something that would make you unable to get out of bed for days... **_

He did NOT just say that... I feel may face burn scarlet at his suggestive comment, and glare at him. He smirks at me, and traces his fingers over my stomach in a seductive manner. I stick my tongue out at him.

Aren't we sooo mature?

I hear a light snickering from the doorway of the kitchen, where Malik's standing. He covers his mouth with a hand.

"Well, hey, Ryou, for a reluctant lover, you don't seem to be objecting too much to Bakura's...er... current 'position' on top of you..." He comments in an innocent voice.

The heat rises in my face.

"MALIK!!" I whine, writhing beneath Bakura's hips. Bakura smirks at me suggestively.

I glare at him, go still for a moment._ Pervert._

**_You know you want me... _**He purrs teasingly.

I stick my tongue out at him, and shove him off me, climbing to my feet.

Turning around once to give Malik a haughty look, I stalk angrily up the stairs to my bedroom. Perverts. ALL of them.

I flop down on my bed and close my eyes tightly.

* * *

"Ryou..."

Unnnnnng?

"Ryou?"

Wha the- huh?

"RYOU!!"

I bolt up, clutching my ears. "WHATTHEFUCKDOYOUWANTGODDAMMITIDONTWANNAGETUP!!!!!!!!!" I shriek, casting around for whoever was shouting.

My eyes fall on Marik.

Who is currently sitting on my bed, about a foot away.

"What are you doing in my room?"

The words escape before I can even stop them. He simply smirks.

Rising up to his hands and knees, he begins to advance on me, walking catlike across the bed. His nose brushes against mine as he grows closer. And still with that FUCKING smirk!

Okay, asshole, too close for comfort.

I shove him off my bed roughly.

"Again, what are you doing in my room?" I snap.

He smirks silently, and stretches out on the floor, loking at me with his tongue dancing across his lips.

Now he's officially freaking me out....

Getting off my bed, I kick him lightly in the side. "You in there?"

He catches my ankle and pulls me to the ground.

_BAKURAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!_


	13. Light My Ass!

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 13: **_

_**Light My Ass!**_

_BAKURAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! _

Marik strokes his fingers down my neck and shoulders suggestively, one leg swung over my hips to pin me down. 

CrappitycrappitycrapcrapCRAP!!!!!!!!!! 

... hey, what IS it with people and touching me today? 

Back to the problem, Ryou. Back to the problem. MARIK. 

"Get. OFF." I grunt, placing my hands on his chest and pushing upwards. ..dammit, Marik, lay off on the- the- WHATEVER YOU EAT!!! You're damn HEAVY! 

He pushes me back down. "Ryouuuuuu......." He purrs. Gross. "Pretty little girl, Ryouuuu..... Soft and pretty..." Little... girl? Pretty, soft... little.... girl?! Why, you, PEDAPHILE!!! 

For lack of a better word. 

I shove him harder, growling. 

Marik smirks. And proceeds to dig his fingernails into my sensitive armflesh... 

Oww.. 

"Marik...." 

I blink. 

That wasn't me. 

"Marik... Get OFF my hikari, you perverted bastard!!!" A voice growls, hauling Marik off me. It takes me a moment to register who's speaking. 

...Only a moment. 

"BAKURA!!!!" I shriek, grabbing his legs in relief. I don't care if he's a pervert and a freakishly horny, yet sexy, hentai- Marik is just plain SCARY. 

He gives me a smug look. "You OWE me." 

I groan.   
Wonderful.

_**

* * *

**_

I flop down on the couch downstairs, finally convinced that, for once, it's more safe than hiding in my room. 

Of course, Bakura's 'subtle' hints that I owe him and should at least join him downstairs might have had something to do with it. 

Damn. 

Malik site in front of the couch, occasionally turning to one of us to ask a question, or make a comment. Bakura's leaning over the edge of thee couch, one hand slowly filtering through my hair, stroking, and... seducing.... 

BAD RYOU!!!!!!!! 

Anyway... eh-heh-heh.... Marik's sitting on a chair. And Bakura's glaring. 'Nuff said.

_**Hikari?**_ Bakura purrs. 

Uh-oh.

_Uh- yeah? _

He simply smirks. 

"Hey..." He says, looking around at us all, "Who wants to play truth or dare?" 

I begin to choke on my coke. 

I'm fucked. 

Marik and Malik both flash huge grins. 

I'm double fucked. 

Crap. 

Bakura begins, leaning over further. "Malik! Truth or Dare?" 

Malik looks a little nervous, and shifts. "Truth, I guess.."

The white haired tombrobber gives him a huge, hundred watt evil smile. Wonderful. "Malik, are you gay?" 

God- he bloats like a blowfish! 

"I'M NOT GAY!!!!!" 

Everyone in the room, including me, bursts out laughing. Why not? It's all in fun. 

Malik grimaces, and turns to me. Meh. "Ryou, Truth or Dare?" 

I stick my nose in the air... the best I can, considering I'm lying down. "Dare." 

He smirks in a fashion almost like his Yami's. "I dare you to...." 

I close my eyes, completely relaxed. I mean, Malik's a hikari- he can't come up with anything TOO bad, can he? 

WRONG. 

"...Make out with Bakura- and pretend to like it." 

"WHAT?!" I shriek. 

OH, SHIT. 

Shittymacshitshittermacshitterstein. SHIT. 

He sticks his nose in the air- much in the way I did. "You heard me." 

I moan. 

"Do I have to?" 

He smiles winningly at me. "Yes." 

Gulping, I crawl off the couch, and turn to look at Bakura, face scarlet. 

Damn him, he's smirking at me! 

Why me? Oh God, why me? 

...Not that I object to his tongue in my mouth, or anything...   
SOOO not the time to be thinking thoughts like that!!! I wince. 

Bakura's beginning to grow impatient- I can see it in his eyes. Wary of this, I creep slowly towards him, never taking my eyes off his face, for fear of blinking. 

I can't do this. 

I jerk back, feeling my face burn with embarrassment. This would be fine- if Malik and Marik weren't here! 

Fuck this. 

An annoyed snort reaches my ears, and a pair of strong fingers grips the high bridge of my nose. Pulling my face to his, Bakura pushes his lips against mine. 

Why did I see this coming? 

Oh, yes, because Bakura never backs off from a dare- 

Even if it's blowing up the microwave... 

!!! 

He's- 

He's- 

Oh my God, that feels so- 

I feel my face deepen to a shade of deep shade of crimson as he sucks sensually on my bottom lip, hand releasing my nose to creep around the back of my neck. 

....God he's a good kisser... 

_**Why, thank you, Ryou...**_ he purrs in my mind, other hand creeping around my waist. 

His tongue moves caressingly across my bottom lip into my mouth, tasting me. Tentatively, I slip my tongue into is mouth... 

Oh crap- 

He's goin to bite me, isn't he? 

As I begin to pull out, he intertwines his tongue with mine, tilting my head to move my head into a more convenient position.

"Ahem?" Someone snickers. 

I pull away, and look over in embarrassment at Malik. 

"Err- so, who's next?" 

He looks at me like I'm stupid. 

Oh yeah- it's my turn. 

Duh.


	14. Oh My God! The Aliens Are Here!

_**A TwoPair Of Brown Eyes**_

_**Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**_

_**Chapter 14: **_

_**Oh My God! The Aliens Are Here! **_

blink and look around.

Oh crap.

What am I gonna do?

A brilliant notion catches in the diabolical recesses of my brain.

A brilliant, terrible idea.

Turning to Malik, I give him a sugar sweet smile. Too sweet. You're gonna pay, buddy. Oh yes.

"Mariiiik...." I sing out sweetly, still smiling wickedly at the now pale Malik. "Truth ot Dare?"

He's a yami. He CANNOT resist this. You will not escape the wrath of the PMSing hikari, Malik, my dear.

He snorts. "Dare."

Who did not see that coming? Oh, you will all see..... I will prevail!

"I dare YOU to..." I grin wildly and hugely, my eyes fixed on Malik. "Eat Malik's dare, and use it straight back on him." I smirk. Not terribly original... but my mind is clouded with rage.

Malik turns the colour of an old lady's hair. A VERY old lady.

From the corner of my eyes, I see the corner of Marik's lips turn up in a slightly scary smile. He creeps over to Malik, who's sitting cross-legged, on his hands and knees.

I see Malik blush an incredibly feminine pink.

It clicks in my brain.

Oh my God....

That's why he wasn't at all attracted to me- that's why he protested that he wasn't gay- that's why he wears those girlish clothes- that's why he still had the guts to make me make out with Bakura!

Marik growls possessively, and grabs him- scratch that, HER- around the waist, grinning like the madman he is. His lips crush against Malik's heatedly, and he tilts her head back forcibly so that he can slip his tongue between those pale pink lips.

I shake my head.

Malik, I'm sorry for you.

But you deserved it.

* * *

I lounge across the couch, ignoring the strange sounds coming from the guestroom. Bakura rolls his eyes at me from where he's sitting on the floor.

"You think they could have gone home first?" He asks cheekily.

I sigh, blushing like an overripe tomato. "For once, Bakura, I agree with you."

Maybe world must be coming to an end?

That would be nice.

He reaches up from the floor and strokes his hand across my cheek with a mischevious look on his face. "Ryou?"

I look at him suspiciously. "Hmmm?"

"Wanna go out?"

I blink with surprise.

Oh my God... either the apocalypse has arrived, or the aliens are coming, my friend. Oh my fucking God...

Bakura doesn't go 'out'. Bakura BREAKS 'out' with a mallet and then comes 'in'. Bakura does not 'go out'.

There is something very, VERY wrong here...

I stare at him with huge eyes.

"Whaaat?" he says in annoyance.

"You means... go 'out'? Like, just, GO?" I ask in amazement.

He raises an eyebrow. "Yes, Ryou, OUT. You know, that place, that place outside the door? 'Out'. Ring a bell?"

I don't get it. What're you up to?

"Are you inviting me on a date, almighty couch warmer?"

He snorts. "NOW you're catching on, clean freak...."

My eyes widen.

The aliens are HERE. They're fucking HERE.

And they're named...

...Bakura.

* * *

I can't believe... 

...that I'm on a date with a freakishly sexy, yet psychopathic, tombrobber.

Ah, well.

Bakura's walking with me, hair blowing a little in the light summer breeze.

Wow. Poetic, Ryou, very poetic. I snort at myself. I must be turning into Yugi.

Small, soft, and stupid.

I slap Bakura's hand for the millionth time as it sneaks down from it's insisted pace around my hips to... lower regions.

_Hentai!_

**_Uke..._**

_Sicko._

**_You know you love it._**

I slap his hand for the million and ONEth time.

Pervert...

...I think as I stare discreetly at his very, very nice ass.

"We're here, hikari." I look up at him in a moment of surprise. He takes my chin and points it forward.

I look at him curiously.

He took me to the park? But it's so quiet... not like Bakura's taste at all... It's empty, only the branches of the Sakura trees swaying a little, and the park bench, with it's peeling green paint, sitting comfortably in front of a perfectly still pond.

I giggle.

I feel like a teen on her first date.

Oh- wait.

I am a teen on her first date.

Duh.

Bakura takes my hand and tugs me towards it. What's he up to?

Pulling me relentlessly, he pushes me onto the bench, and flops down beside me. I give him a confused look, raising a fine eyebrow.

He smiles at me.

In a very un-Bakura-ish way. His lips are pulled back in an almost gentle smile, which looks kinda scary with his wild, untamed hair and sharp, crimson eyes.

"Bakura?" I question concernedly, placing the back of my hand on his forehead. "Are you alright? you're act.. well, er, sort of out of character."

Still smiling, he pulls me by the back of my neck and encompasses my bottom lip with his.

...Cinnamon... always cinnamon...

For once, I curl my arm around his neck, and kiss him back. But only for a moment.

I push him away lightly.

"Hey, Bakura?" I ask, smiling a little. Time to tell him.

He looks at me curiously. "What?"

I laugh, and place a finger to my temple. "You know Seto Kaiba?"

He tilts his head cutely.

"Yeah?"

"She's like me."

He stares at me. I don't think he gets it.

Understanding dawns in his eyes.

"Holy shit..."


End file.
